Life’s Goals and Aspirations

At 75, my goals and aspirations transcend the physical realm. My yearning is for an experience of divine love and a profound connection with my inner self. I aspire to be a self-actualized individual, embracing self-love, honoring both myself and others as divine beings. My deepest desire is to find purpose, meaning, and beauty even in life’s darkest corners. I strive to master my vulnerable emotions, attain inner stillness, stay present in the moment, and walk the path of peace. 

Although I recognize that expressing this inner feeling in human words may be challenging, I sense the presence of a universal, intelligent, and mysterious energy governing all life. I know that this energy resides within all beings and things, including myself. It’s akin to having electricity in one’s home; it’s up to me to connect to this source. How can I become a channel for this energy?

There exist countless spiritual paths, with enlightened beings like Christ, Buddha, and yogis from India demonstrating through their miracles that anything is possible when one is connected to the Source.

My soul’s longing is to love unconditionally, and to walk this planet in peace while recognizing the sacredness in all. I aspire to quiet my racing mind and cherish each breath as life’s most precious gift.

The question is: How can I manifest these soulful aspirations? My passion for divine love sometimes is blocked with the cruelty of human choices. When I feel the urge to harm another, I must delve deeper within to summon compassion for acts of brutality and violence. How can I master the vulnerable aspects within myself and prevent reacting from past wounds?

Childhood dreams of being a messenger of love were often interrupted by distancing emotions. The illusion of separation from the divine is regularly reinforced by fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, judgmental thoughts, and an enduring sense of inadequacy. How can I believe in my divinity when self-doubt arises?

For much of my life, I rushed through without mindfulness, uncertain of my destination. I overwhelmed myself by pursuing what I loved and fulfilling obligations, fearing that time was slipping away. I felt like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, constantly checking the clock, feeling late, but unsure where to go.

Achieving a still mind remains a daily challenge. In retirement, I have the privilege to choose how I spend my time. Before I know it, my days are filled with captivating classes, and pursuing interests I’d long neglected. With the aging body, it’s easy to fixate on what no longer functions as it once did. The process of loss and grief is real. The monkey mind conjures up all sorts of fears. Becoming a burden to a loved one shakes my core. At this stage of life, the spiritual path is more vital than ever before. What will it feel like when I take my last breath? What awaits me?

I recall a movie about a monk who knew the exact moment he would leave his body. He sat in meditation, and another monk gently covered him with a warm shroud before departing. Since then, I’ve held that image as the beginning of my immortal journey. I ask myself, what is my fear of a violent departure? I’ve been told by souls of higher consciousness that in many past lives, this marked the end of my physical existence, and my soul remembers it. How can I come to acceptance and peace with such memories?

The ego can be cunning, obstructing every goal and aspiration. Perhaps, I am naive to believe that there is a place for the ego in a world of duality, and my desire to form a partnership with it. My longing to feel loved, guided, and protected by the Divine Source when I’m vulnerable, remains. The truth is that it’s all about connecting with the goddess within. It’s up to me to master and manifest, one step at a time. I live in a friendly universe that supports all my intentions to serve humanity.