Growing up in Iran, I felt that there was great value placed on physical beauty for females. Many young women had nose job done. It almost felt that if the family could financially afford the operation, mothers and daughters had the nose job and other cosmetic operations depending on finances.
Even at young age, I felt my soul longing for some recognition of inner beauty and felt pressure for outer beauty and resisted it with all my might. I decided at that tender young age that I will not volunteer for any cosmetic surgery and focus on the inner beauty and radiance of the spirit.
A while ago, a dear friend, colleague of mine shared that she was going to have an operation on her eye lid. She explained that the skin has been preventing her to see her peripheral vision and she was not able to see the open doors of the cabinets at the face level causing pain to her head hitting the cabinet door. She was informed that insurance will cover the cost and she scheduled the operation.
When she came to visit me after the recovery, I was pleasantly shocked. This was not the woman I had known for many years. She was a bundle of joy, not only physically a gorgeous, beautiful woman, more importantly her radiant soul that I had always felt had blossomed. The “Joie de Vivre”, her passion for life had filled the room. Her laughter was like a soothing remedy to the soul.
“You seem like an entirely different human being. What has changed?” I asked.
She could not stop smiling and shared that since age 7 she had frequent thoughts of “I wish I was never born. Why do I have to struggle so much?”
Why wasn’t I loved?
Why is life so difficult?
Why am I here?
In school children called her “ Cootie bug” and no one played with her.
Her only friend was a legally blind girl. She had a strong and independent nature and was blessed with a high IQ.
She decided, perhaps unconsciously, “if I can’t have friends, I don’t need friends.” This was to prevent her from being disappointed.
She was the oldest of four. When her parents divorced, she was 10 years old and the youngest was three years old. She recalled not liking her father and being afraid of men. Her mother remarried when she was 12 years old, shared that her mom was preoccupied with her new husband. She decided to live with her father and step mother. She loved her step mom, while her father kept putting her down and called her “stupid”. She wondered later, if her father was a “sociopath”, a self-centered man who knew how to get what he wanted by manipulation.
When she was a senior in High School, her fifteen year old brother came to live with her and her father. After a few months, there were conflicts, and she and her brother wanted to go back to live with their mother. Her father told her that the mother is willing to take the brother back but does not want her. She was heartbroken as someone stabbed her in the heart with a sharp knife. It was an affirmation of feeling unloved and unworthy.
I wondered if she felt that if her mother did not want her, who would?
She met Mike, the first young man who was attracted to her. She fell in love with him and imagined having a family with him, happily ever after. As one may imagine; the young man desired being intimate with her.
She was an inexperienced young woman fearful of men and moreover fearful of pregnancy. She knew nothing about sexual intimacy. The internal struggle of loving this man and intense fear of pregnancy and being rejected was deep. She declined and he broke up with her on the phone.
It reminds me of the movie “Splendor in the Grass”. She was heartbroken adding to the heart break of feeling unloved by her parents. She was smart, brilliant and eager to learn,yet she lost interest in school and life and cried her heart out sharing with a girlfriend. She withdrew from life altogether.
She wanted to become an airline stewardess and travel all over the world. She checked all the requirements. She was not accepted related to her height. She was not tall enough to reach the cabinets. . In High School, she was a teacher’s assistant and volunteered to read stories for children and started writing short stories. So, she decided to be a teacher’s assistant helping the children.
She remained with her father and as soon as she graduated from high school, got a job as a waitress working from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m.
As she had begun earning an income, her father immediately started charging her rent for $15 per week.
When it rains, it pours. Her father suddenly asked her to quit her job, knowing that she would not. He said he worried when she came home late at 3 a.m., she may not lock the door! He said he couldn’t sleep. She found a roommate, also a waitress and moved out. As such, she paid less rent than her father was charging her.
Later, she learned that her father had an affair. He wanted to get a divorce from the step mom and to have the freedom he desired. The step mom affirmed to her that “men are only after one thing when it comes to women”.
She decided she “hated” men. In her early 20’s, she read an article on MENSA in The Readers Digest; filled out a form and sent it in. They recommended for her to have and IQ test. After the test she was informed that she has a very high IQ. The interviewer added “I believe you have been molested as a child.” She couldn’t remember anything and wondered if he wanted to sell her books and left. She wondered to herself, perhaps he said that because of my hatred of men.
She shared how she shut down, feeling helpless so many time in life, barely surviving.
“ Have I shared with you that I was suicidal?”
My heart was aching, looking at this goddess in front of me, a tower of strength, amazing survival skills, overcoming so many obstacles in life and raising two precious sons in spite of all challenges in life. She is the loving grandmother of five who plays, sings and nurtures their imaginations.
As she was sharing, the beautiful song, once – twice – three times a LADY started playing. It felt as the universe was directly communicating with her through this song. Suddenly, my shy friend started singing with the song. The goddess had emerged.
I was totally present and joyful as witnessing a miracle. I couldn’t imagine her singing at all. Wow, what a beautiful voice and what a joyful human being. The room was filled with the sound of music.
“Did I tell you, I love to sing?”
You have a beautiful voice my friend. “What is your favorite song to sing?” I asked. She did not need to think, let it go; and a Country Western song, “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum.
“Hold on a second”, I went and brought my IPad. Within a few minutes, she found the lyrics on her phone and we wrote it down and played the song on the IPad. She sang along for the very first time with the music and we recorded it on her phone. We both listened to the recording and laughed from the heart. We had lost track of time. We became playful kids.
This was a transformation of the soul. The words are not able to describe the inner experience. I watched a beautiful colorful butterfly that emerged from the cocoon right in front of my eyes. She had released the impact of childhood traumas. She was celebrating her creative talents.
This is my heartfelt thanks to all the cosmetic surgeons who create physical beauty and may not be aware of the emotional transformation that follows.
Happy Rebirth my friend.