Thirty Second Psychoanalyst

 

When I get angry, I hear my father’s voice in my mind.

My friend now in his 80’s living in a senior community shared.

How would you describe your father? I asked

. He was an alcoholic, when he got angry, he really got angry and affected me.  He was an executive in Asia for standard oil and traveled much. I was born in Japan.

Really, how was that experience for you growing up in Japan as a Caucasian American?

I was born in Yokohama and lived there until age 10. We had three servants, a male cook, and his wife served meals. We also had a nanny. Every three or four years, we went to New York for a few months.

How was growing up with Japanese children and exposure to the host culture?

I went to a British ran international school in Yokohama through third grade. For 4th grade, I took the train with my two older sisters to Tokyo. I had classmates from all over the world.

Wow, you had an opportunity to develop a world view as a young child. What a blessing. You were a citizen of the world. What do you remember from your childhood?

When I was in 8th grade, perhaps 12 years old, I had a powerful experience, a sudden realization, a gift of knowing about my life, like an inner voice saying make the best of your life.

Would you comment on the “voice?”

It was like an enormous power, like God.

Did you have any other experiences?

Yes, when I was 13-14  years old, I was working as a life guard, fell and injured my head, was resting in bed to heal. One morning I experienced the same force, like an angel with white garment. I saw the last bit of him. It was like putting your finger in an electric socket, feeling the electricity.I still remember and feel it after all these years. When I was in high school, I was walking in Santa Monica walking to a building and I heard” you won’t be in this situation again, do your best.” I got a scholarship to UCLA, I couldn’t believe it.

On another occasion, I was dating a girl, one night when I was going to my room at UCLA, I parked my car in the same place, suddenly I knew inside I was done with that relationship. She called me three times and asked me to go over, I said it was the end and felt I was set free.

You seem to have had a strong intuition since childhood.

Yes, I sense and see people’s inside. In sales, you have to communicate with the inner person. My friends called me the thirty second psychoanalyst.

How did this gift of intuition help you in your life?

I developed a habit to write down my ideas when I woke up in the morning. I has an idea about bringing people of different culture together. I developed a project. We published a book called The World Rebuild, raised funds to develop training centers. We made 14,000 copies, got volunteers and shipped them all over the world. We included a post card for feedback and ideas. We got hundreds of letters and cards coming back.

Wow, you have created powerful global projects at young age.

Yes, I was a warrior inside. One of the major challenges now is that I feel so young inside, maybe thirty years old and wish to do many things. When I can’t, I get frustrated and angry. My body is aching, feel fragile have to use the walker. I get tired of my pain. Yesterday, I got so angry, it wasn’t like me. I got my anger from my father and projected to my son. Thankfully, my wife and son were much wiser and stopped me.

How did you meet your wife?

I met her at a youth conference. She represented Wesley College and I represented UCLA.  We were walking with a group of friends and she looked at me in McKenaw Island, Michigan.

Was it love at first sight?

No, few years later when I was doing the international project, she came to help and we worked together. She was helping her brother in Sao Palo, Brazil making a film, when I called to ask her to marry me. She said the night before she had a clear thought; if Peter asks you to marry him, it will be great. She said and came two weeks later. Every day, I took her a rose.

Peter’s eyes were filled with affection as he was back in time with his beloved. What was her name and how long were you together?

Her name was Sterry, we were together from 1966 and she passed away in February of 2017. She was the diplomat in the family. She had Alzheimer’s and was in the hospital for over 10 years. In the last three years, she couldn’t recognize me however, I went to see her three times per week until the end.

It reminds me of the movie the Notebook. Have you seen it?

Yes, I have.

 I believe you shared that you guys had a son.

Yes, our son was diagnosed with ALS and after five years, he wanted to leave, had lost control of his muscles. He passed away four years ago, left three sons. The oldest is now 17 and has been accepted to every university he applied for with scholarship.  The fifteen year old is tutoring his classmates in five subjects and make $20/hour.

You seem to be very proud of your grandchildren. I recall you wanted to write about your life story for them.

I’d like to share with them about my career in the air force.

What did you do in the air force?

I was a military police in charge of 400 men. It was 1955. Managing so many men was challenging. I learned to give the orders and let the sergeants carry them.

That was wise on your part. Was there any bulling going on? In this time and era, youngsters face bullying behaviors frequently. How did you manage aggressive behavior in the military and in your life?

When I was growing up, I kept my mouth shut and ran away. In the military, I learned to stand up and face whatever came up. 

What matters the most to you in your life now?

I want to know what am I doing here? My wife and son are gone. I am interested in Michael Newton’s books about life after life. He has studied thousands of case histories with scientific methods. I know when I go Home I will be greeted by my loved ones with much love and warmth.

What would be some of the highlights you like to write or share with others?

I flew across Pacific ocean five times before age five.I drove Dr. Martin Luther King after his famous speech, I have a dream. I met President Eisenhower and you know flying over Amazon changes one’s perspective.  I was invited by Elizabeth Taylor and her mother  for dinner in her home.

What is the story about Liz Taylor?

I was the class president at UCLA. I organized a prom dance. Paramount studios gave us a sound stage. We had a “Great Lover” contest. Betty Sullivan, Ed Sullivan’s daughter was there. Paramount created a movie called  “Great Lover” and wanted Elizabeth Taylor to have “exposure.”

How was she in person?

She was not my type.

He had a meaningful smile on his face.

What would be the essence of your life to share with the younger generation?

PATIENCE! To be patient with each other and CLAIM it! It isn’t given. Everybody is screaming for attention.  The bottom line is that ” I am responsible for all my choice.”

Thank you for sharing your story. I know this is only a small part of your life adventure. for me, your story affirms how childhood experiences impact how we shape and they don’t go away with age. It is a choice to release the negative impacts.

 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY BELATED BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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The photo on the wall is to honor him as a veteran.

 

 

 

 

The Lion And The Lamb

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The lioness hunted a baby deer separated from its mother, an easy target. She put her paw on the deer fallen on the ground. Once the little deer stopped resisting and surrendered, the lioness gently picked the body of the deer with her powerful jaw and took it to her cub to teach him for the first time how to kill the deer and have it for the meal of the day.
The lion cub looked at the frightened eyes of the little deer who was taking his last breaths. He gently started licking the face of the deer, as if he was kissing him. The deer laid motionless receiving the gentle touch, feeling confused.
“I am not going to hurt you” The lion cub said.
“You are not?” The baby deer was in disbelief.
“No, I want to be friends with you.”
Their eyes met as if they have been friends before.
Feeling shifted inside the deer from fear to hope. He raised his head, got on his shaky legs and licked the cub’s face with love and gratitude.
They both smiled.
The lioness was watching confused. She had raised many cubs, males, females and always remembered teaching them their first kill. Now, they had families of their own. Yet, this cub was different from birth. He played with all the animals in the jungle as if he was a messenger of love.
The lioness had a strong urge to kill the baby deer right there, teaching her cub the survival skills.
The cub seemed to read his mother’s mind. He stood in front of the deer with his eyes begging his mother to reconsider. Something was stopping the lioness from killing the deer. She didn’t know what was happening within her.
“Mom, you had to leave me all alone to go hunt and another animal could have killed me. Imagine that….”
The lioness paused. She had never thought about another animal killing her cub for food. She resisted.
“Leo, we are lions. We are meat eaters. It is our nature. It is our way to survive. We will die if we don’t hunt. A deer, to me is food. Do you get it?”
“There are so many of us living in the jungle. There are so much food around, veggies, berries, fruits, even honey by hard working bees.”
“We can’t eat those. Nature intended for us to eat meat, no grass. You can’t fight nature.”
“I wonder if our digestive system can adapt. Have you ever tried? I want to live. I just don’t want to kill a beautiful animal in order to survive.”
Leo looked at his mom pleading, wondering if she understand. The lioness looked at her cub wondering….
“May be I was a deer in another lifetime.” Leo was whispering feeling doubtful and fearful of his mother’s reaction.
“Another life time? What are you talking about? I don’t understand what you are saying.”
“Mom, I don’t understand either. But I remember how scared I was. I remember being killed.” Leo was taking a big risk feeling vulnerable.
The lioness was confused, loved her cub. Was trying to understand.
“It just feels cruel. Is it possible that we can all live in the jungle in peace and harmony?”
Deer was witnessing the conversation, quiet and mindful. He took a step forward.
“I am amazed that you understand Leo. I am always in fear. When I want to eat grass, I take a bite, I have to immediately check for predators. Sometimes, I hear the pounding of my heart. I would love to be fearless, eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, and play with other fawns without fear of being hunted.”
The lioness looked at the young deer. There was a new awareness emerging. All animals live in peace? Impossible, she thought to herself. An inner voice echoed in her mind, what if I were a deer? She was pondering for the first time.
“Leo, how do you think animals can live in peace? deer asked, hoping for a practical possibility for Leo’s vision.
“I don’t know. A while ago, I saw a family of humans near the forest. Their little girl left a paper in the jungle. I looked at it. It was a big lion sitting with a little white lamb. I wanted to be that lion when I grow up. If humans made the image, it must be possible. I just don’t know how?” Leo was trying to be hopeful and optimistic.
“My grandma told me stories. She said we each have lessons to learn and the most important lesson is to love oneself and others as if we all are one. I really don’t understand it, but I have an idea. I know a place where there are delicious berries. Would you like to give it a try?” deer asked.
“Yes, yes, let’s try.”
“Mom, can we go to the creek for a drink of water? Leo asked his mom.
Yes, you can go, but be very careful and don’t go far.”
“I will race you to the creek.” deer was giggling and started running.
The lioness was thinking, trying to imagine if she didn’t have to hurt anybody and food was available, no worry and she could be friend with all other animals. Without knowing she smiled to herself. She saw Leo playing with the deer, a first experience for her. Where are they? She got concerned. They have been gone for a while, drinking water doesn’t take that long. She surprised herself thinking about Leo and the deer. She physically shook herself, wondering what was happening to her.
She went looking for them. They were playing hide and seek and their laughter was filling the air. She paused, watched them and thought to herself, would it be possible? It was right in front of her eyes.
She approached them. They stopped playing in fear of being punished. The lioness licked Leo with deep love as if she understood the soul of her son. Leo licked her back and put his head on his mother’s chest, hearing her heart beats.
“I love you mom. He got up on his back legs and kissed his mother’s face a hundred times.
The lioness opened her arms and wither eyes invited the deer to join in. The deer ran into the mother’s arms and started licking the lioness face.
The Lioness thought to herself, interesting, kisses feel the deer felt the same as Leo’s. Wow… it is possible?
“Leo, I have an idea. Let’s go find your friend’s mom. She should be around here and must be worried about her son.”
Leo and deer looked at each other as if the miracle has already happened.
“I know where my mom hides. I will show you” deer said and started walking.
The Scene was awesome. A young deer leading a lioness and her cub through the jungle. Many eyes were watching from their hidden places.
They heard a cry. It was deep, sad, and mourning. It was his mother. She had heard from the other deers that the lioness took her fawn. She had her head on the ground crying. She was not hiding as if she didn’t want to live anymore, waiting for a lion to end her life.
“Mom, I am here!” baby deer screamed with joy. Mother raised her head, couldn’t believe it! It was her son. She got up immediately reached to him and started licking him all over, kissing him again and again. She was so happy for her son to be alive that she didn’t ever notice the lioness and her cub.
The lioness laid down, hugging her cub watching… She now understood Leo’s vision. It was up to the lions and panthers to bring peace to the jungle. May be she was the one to be the first. She looked at her son with affection and gratitude.
After a long while of hugging and kissing, the deer looked at her fawn and said “I was told the lioness killed you. What happened?”
“Mom, I want you to meet my new friend” and looked at the lioness and Leo.
The deer reacted with fear as she had done her whole life. “Mom, they are friends, no fear.”
The deer looked at the Lioness with disbelief. The lioness laid her head down as if she was expressing her regret for causing her such pain and grief and honor her as a mother.
The deer paused for the long time. The Lioness didn’t move. Deer ran to the Lioness and sat in her lap next to Leo. The Lioness licked them both lovingly.
The mother deer was frozen, took her a long time before she felt safe to take the step.
All the animals came out of their hiding. They simply had to see this and remember every moment to be able to share the story for their children and grand-children.
The silence was deep and honoring. The law of the jungle was shifting…. The loving energy of the Mother Earth filled the air. The miracle was manifested.
The mother deer gently walked toward the Lioness, bowed and thanked her for returning her baby. She laid down peacefully in front of the Lioness.
Baby deer kissed the Lioness and went to lay down with his mother.
The sun was shining and the silence was sacred.

 

This story is dedicated to Elizabeth, a dear friend who has sent me Christmas cards of the Lion & the Lamb for over 25 years.

 

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY EASTER

 

A Memorable Moment

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“Mom, they only let one person with me for the ultrasound of the baby,” our daughter shared.
“I would like to come to be with you and stay in the waiting room if that is ok with you.” I asked respectfully, being mindful if she likes to be alone with her husband.
“Oh sure you can come. I just didn’t want you to be disappointed.”
“What is the appointment?”
“It is an anatomy scan.” I have to drink lots of water to have a full bladder.”
It was November 11, 2015, Veterans Day and we were off from work. My husband and I drove our daughter to meet our son in law at the medical center. While we were waiting for the technician, I realized I have never seen an ultrasound of a baby in my life. When I was pregnant with our children, there was no ultrasound. I noticed, our daughter couldn’t sit still, uncomfortable with a full bladder. I started walking around the waiting room with her trying to distract her from the internal process.
“What do you think about the gender of the baby?,” I asked.
“I don’t know, I remember you said you had a dream about a little girl.”
“Yes, I did. She was a toddler with curly hair. In the dream I thought it was you. Yet you didn’t have curly hair and your husband does. I thought maybe it is your baby.”
It was a few minutes after the appointment time. When one is waiting with a full bladder, time seems to pass slowly. She looked like she couldn’t hold it anymore. Then the technician, a friendly pleasant woman came to the door and called her name. She noticed the three of us supporting her. She smiled and said you could all join in one at a time as she took her in with her husband.
My heart was filled with joy and excitement. This would be a first time experience for me. When I was called in, I looked at our daughter with her beautiful smile of a loving mother. I looked at the monitor and heard the baby’s heartbeat, the most sacred sound of the universe. What an amazing experience! I was all eyes hooked on the monitor.
“What do you think of the baby’s gender” the technician asked.
“I don’t know.”
Then she mindfully showed me to see that this was a little boy. I was so overjoyed and wanted to touch our daughter’s belly and let him know that grandma is here making a commitment to take care of him, and showing him the wonders of life.
The image of this moment will forever be in my heart and soul, a sacred moment.

 

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

MY LOVE