Note: Please read the story of Brave Heart posted on before this story.
My husband and I have been together for about 44 years. He is a civil engineer and perhaps the most left-brained person I know. My understanding is that by training he has become precise with everything he does. If he makes mistakes in his calculations in building bridges and other structures, they are prone to collapse resulting in disaster. He has become a perfectionist and needs hard scientific evidence to believe in anything. When it comes to the area of soft science, the realm of the invisible, he becomes cautious and guarded.
For me as both a heart person and trained clinician; my inner and outer world is about feelings, emotions and the subjective. One can imagine how the two different approaches can impact a partnership.
We have a daily ritual of walking. For me, it is a great opportunity to share and discuss the issues in our relationship. From his point of view, why would we talk about insignificant issues on a calm, beautiful, sunny day while walking in a beautiful park. Basically, he thinks that I am creating issues as a clinician when our relationship is just “fine”. He does not find any logical reasons for bringing issues up from the past. The past is the past. One cannot change the past and therefore there is no point in discussing them.
In my opinion, the first five years of life is when we are most vulnerable, impressible, and defenseless. A high percentage of our adult decisions is based on our childhood experiences whether we are aware of it or not. Frequently, we may not have access to our early memories, yet impacted by them without knowing it.
I was asking the Universe for an opportunity to open his practical, analytical mind as to how a childhood event may cause pain for decades in our lives. The Universe responded.
I had been doing a radio program with a soul friend whom I had never met in person. We got connected through my stories. We understood each others pains. I had never met a Persian man who spoke so freely about his childhood traumas. To me, he was a “diamond” among millions of rocks. He was a taboo breaker, going beyond thousands of years of tradition that inhibited expressions of feelings especially for men. In a culture that obedience is expected on many levels, the outspoken ones usually are treated harshly and made an example of.
He and his wife came to California for vacation and we met for the first time. On the second visit, he came alone planning to have a healing session with a friend of mine related to his childhood traumas. In my 40 years of clinical practice, I believe that I have heard about all human sufferings and nothing would shock me anymore. Yet some of what he had experienced was a first for me.
When they were going to have their healing session, I had an inner thought, not sure where it had come from, that it would be a great opportunity if my partner would simply witness a healing session. I thought it might be a safe way for him to observe. Perhaps considering the possibility of unlocking into his childhood epoch that he thought was perfectly normal.
I took a chance and asked my friend about the possibility of observing his session. The look on his face was obvious that he wished for privacy. I have learned in life to ask the Universe without any attachment. We left our friends on the patio in a beautiful summer day and went about our business. They agreed to call us when they were done.
When they called us down, the four of us were enjoying the late afternoon tea and enjoying a casual conversation. My friend is a great story teller and was more than willing to share about his life stories. As he was telling us an engaging story, he started talking about a painful childhood memory; when he was 12-13 years old.
Within a few minutes, he was back, experiencing the painful and shameful trauma. The need for the inner child to come out, scream and cry his heart out was apparent. It was a Divine healing experience. A river of tears was flowing. We all could feel the extreme pain of being tortured, feeling helpless and powerless longing to release the pain he had been carrying for over half a century.
The child needed a nurturing touch of a mother, knowing that his mother could not have protected him back then. My healer friend and I naturally went to him, supporting the Brave Heart who was ready to release the pain of the past. I was touching his shaved head gently, removing the impact of the severe trauma. His father had ordered a woman to pull out all of his hair from his scalp by threading.
My friend was using the technique of tapping, giving loving affirmation to replace the shaming messages he had received. The intensity of his emotional release was majestic. The volcano was cleansing, releasing the hot lava within him. The toxic, repressed feelings of shame and worthlessness were coming out. With every tear, the soul was cleansing itself. His body was shaking – trembling – claiming his own identity, dignity and integrity. He knew he was loved and safe with his friends.
He faced the Tyrant.
I felt such a deep honor being with the Brave Heart while continuing to nurture his scalp, replacing the pain with love. I have no idea how long it took us to come to a point of calmness after the emotion storm. When I was able to look at my partner for the first time, I noticed his loving eyes. There was a shift of consciousness. He had received a Divine gift that perhaps he needed much time to process. I felt now he really knows what I had been sharing and describing to him for years.
His loving heart and soul had been touched deeply. I felt his connection with our friends. I could see his respect and admiration for the tears of healing. I felt he was released from the stigma of “men don’t cry”.
The only time I’ve seen him cry was when his beloved mother passed away.
My gratitude to my soul friend for creating a shift in the consciousness for my partner by showing his deep pain as a man, a Persian man, a universal healer. I know our friendship will help us both to emerge and fly like an eagle.